Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage ...

I've been married to my husband now for 2 years. We dated for a very short time before we married and honestly never got to know each other very well. We both come from prior failed marriages and we really seemed to connect. He has been married once prior and I have been married more than once prior. His ex wife was unfaithful and my ex husband [not my daughter's father] was abusive. With that being said, we have a blended family with his teenage son and my daughter who is a pre teen. He is a good deal older than I am but I didn't see our age as an issue at first. I thought his being "more settled" would be a good thing for me, considering things I have been through in the past years.? When we met and started talking He was kind and caring and seemed to be a Godly man when we began dating. Over the course of the past 2 years however, his character has made me question who I married.

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In the beginning of our marriage, he constantly called me by his ex wife's name, in very inappropriate times, as well as around church friends[very humiliating], and also while sleeping. He would tell her in his sleep, while calling her full name, that he was so in love with her. He has called me her name many times in the course of our marriage. It hurt deeply in the beginning, and now I just don't know how to feel or respond anymore. He doesn't call me by her name so much anymore, but he simply forgets or has to stop and think of my name.

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I haven't been happy since we got married. I care alot for him, but I don't love him.I have tried so hard to be submissive and be the Godly wife I am suppose to be, but my heart and my insides are so miserable and unhappy. My joy is gone and I have been full of energy and joy all of my life. But this has taken all of my joy. He has a haughty, arrogant and very critical personality that I didn't see until after we were married and he is very critical of others. It don't matter if they are rich or poor, he always has something to say or pity about others. He prays over me all of the time, which was a wonderful thing when we started out, but over the course of our relationship I have discerned so much insincere prayer and more of the things that he does are for show than they are real. It breaks my heart because I don't want to feel this way and I want to feel the way I should feel but his character disturbs me. My daughter asked me recently to think about one thing about him that I can see that is real. I'm not sure that there is anything I can name, that I feel he is sincere about.? It has come to the point that I cannot stand to be around him and we are currently separated. . He always looks down on my family and all but pities the mis fortunes of my family or others who don't have a lot. He always has to be noticed or praised when he does things, whether it be work, housework, deeds, tithes and even prayer. When he prays for me while I am sleeping, he often wakes me to make sure i heard him, or he asks me later in the day, if i didn't hear him praying. When he is in another room, he is often grumbling about things under his breath and fussing about all the duties he has to take care of, but then sarcastically talks about how God gave him that job.? He builds himself up talks about how important he is, and how important all of the things he does are. He uses very sophisticated words all the time and is constantly making everyone around him, including myself and my daughter, feel as though we are dumb and under him. He is very smart in many areas and he uses that over and against people because he thinks he knows more than everyone else. He takes credit for things he doesn't do and he fakes things alot when it comes to worship, and prayer and things he should not be faking. I come from years in a very spiritual church setting, so as I say this I pray it don't sound horrible but he is extremely overly spiritual. He overly spiritualizes everything. I feel most of the time that he doesn't know how to be or act normal and just enjoy living and being with his family.

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He is always uptight, and always too serious.

He is also EXTREMELY sarcastic in everything he says and does. This is where most of the criticism comes in.

He came from a rough childhood and as an adult he took on a different quality of life for himself and became a business man so to speak. He made very good money and was in a well respected position on his job. At this time he was not in church and was far away from God, involving himself in worldly pleasures, money, sex, alcohol and witchcraft.He lived this lifestyle for quite some time.At some point during all of this, he lost his good paying job due a conflict that was his fault.

He changed jobs and had already been on the new job some time before he and I got together.

When he and I got together, his job closed down, so he changed jobs again and this job he has had since the beginning of our relationship has been a high stress, demanding job and he was a supervisor. We have prayed and prayed over the past year or so that God would do something because he hated his job. Recently he was offered a job close to home as opposed to the job he was driving an hour for, and this new job is a very well paid position in management. We thought this job was an answered prayer, a God send! I feel like it could have been a huge blessing for our family, until it started changing him even more.

Since he has been on the new job, his attitude about himself has become even more self centered and he constantly talks about how important he is now, and that he is a "higher up" or "one of the big guys" and "right up there on the top". He boasts constantly and is always talking about his important meetings and how HE is the ONLY one who was qualified and knew the job like he does, and is the only one who is capable of doing what he does.He has even insulted the man who offered and gave him his position. He brags that the company values him more than they did the man who left the job for another [giving him the position]. I want to be proud of him, and happy for him and to be able to build him up, but I cannot encourage this behavior. It is not right, and I certainly don't feel that it is Godly.

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I left before for about 2 weeks and stayed with parents due to most of the same issues, plus some others,? and we talked alot, and I went back home and we talked about all of the things that are wrong, and needed attention, but none of it has improved or changed and he seems as though he is set in his ways and unconcerned to address issues that need addressing, nor does he seem concerned with being serious about "homework" or "assignments" given by our pastor & his wife who have been counceling us.

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Since my leaving recently, we have barely talked. He didn't try to communicate with me after my leaving, but he has channeled most everything through our counselors[pastor & his wife] and the pastor's wife has contacted me a few times to encourage me to go back home, yet my husband hasn't asked me to come home.

The few times he has messaged me , have been very "short & professional" not personal at all, nor any attempt to ask or talk to me about what is wrong or discussing our problems. He has made no effort to ask me to come home, or to try to fix any of it.

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I don't want to go home & I'm unsure how to react or respond from this point.

It seems stale, cold & I don't think he is very concerned that I am not there.

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There are so many things I am leaving untouched, but this is lengthy enough, I don't want to sound like a complaining, nagging wife or mother. I'm not. I have tried so hard. I try to be quiet and humble and I want to be the woman I am suppose to be, and honor the Lord. I know some of these things sound trivial, but other things are things I cannot deal with.

There are other issues that are very concerning as well, that I feel stem from maybe the witchcraft that he messed with. I'm not sure how to deal with those situations as they concern me in a deeper way and worry me for my daughter's safety. She or I are neither one comfortable around him most of the time Those are issues that I ask for prayer on, and are not meant to post here but need prayer!!!. I don't know what to do. Our family is not a family at all.? I don't like living this way, and I cannot live in constant anxiety and fear. I don't want to go back, and I pray for God's wisdom and for his direction and any sound advice I can get is helpful. Thanks in Advance.

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/25570

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